"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
In the course of the last 10 years or so, I have read this same passage over and over. But today, it was like I had found a jewel. This has given me so much peace. I read something by Max Luca do today. In this particular passage it talks about the disciple John. John was very close to Jesus. He was a witness to his miracles, healing, sermons, triumph into Jerusalem and only a few days witnessed his death upon the cross. Did John understand why all of this had to happen? Could John grasp that Jesus had to go through all of these really horrible things only to claim victory for all of our sins for eternity? No, he saw a friend go through some really bad stuff and die. (I am greatly paraphrasing Mr. Lucado)
God sets all things for good, even when we cannot see it. Where faith comes in is trusting this. In Forward Day By Day the commentator said that the greatest quote of the bible was "Be not afraid, only believe." (Mark 5:36) What treasures we will be able to claim if we lived out our lives this way. God knows all and is good all of the time.
I want to be very honest with you, I cannot say that I am able to stand on these truths and praise God through every moment of every day. There are many days that I feel like I just can't go on. I cannot face another doctor appointment. I cannot see another tear come from my children's eyes because of pain that I cannot relieve. I can't get my body to move one more step because the pain I am feeling. I cannot face another ambulance ride. But in these moments, God shows up with such power and such peace, I know that I am not alone. He does not leave me in the pit any longer than I want to be there. Some days I choose to be in the pit. I despair and will not be comforted. I have to allow myself to be that way for a time. But I also know that when I want out of the pit, all I need to do is pray and the Shepherd hears my cry and he places me on his shoulders.
Today it was another 3 appointment day. Elizabeth was finally seen by a orthopedic spine surgeon. I believe that God was able to get her seen by this doctor, because only God could have done it. He came into the room saying that her neck was fine, wean off of the neck brace and start PT. All of this before he even looked at her. God showed up in the room and by the end, he was beginning to see that there was more to this story. Please all of you remember that I do not want surgery for her. I know the pain associated with this surgery. That being said, she has been out of school since September. She is sleeping in the dining room. She is unable to play outside or walk on her own for any length without the risk of severe injury. I really don't care what the solution is, we just need one!
This evening, I had to take CJ to get an MRI of his head. He has been suffering from migraine headaches for the last few months. I think the results will be normal, but there is always that unknown. The poor kid certainly has a reason to have headaches! But even if it is due to stress, we need to get them under control.
I reminded all of my kids today that they are all gifts from God and not burdens. I think that they needed to hear that today. CJ could not understand that he is a gift to me. I told him that if I treated him like he was a burden, I was insulting God, but cause he blessed me when he chose me to be his mom.
I might have another outlook tomorrow, but I wanted to claim my praise for a God that loves us enough to let us choose to love him. He is patient to wait for us to decide to call upon Him. In no way am I claiming to be righteous and anyone that has known me for any length of time would not use that adjective to describe me but I love this verse:
"The righteous cry out and the Lord hears them. He delivers them form all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all." (Psalm 34:17-19)
May all of you that say prayers on our behalf be blessed as well. Someone told me on Saturday that his prayers for healing for Erica did not happen and I disagree. There is healing and then there is different healing. I do not believe that God ignores our cries for healing. He frequently answers our prayers differently or not at the time that we think it should occur, but he does answer them.
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