We are now a week away from Elizabeth's hip surgery. She is very afraid and is having difficulty expressing it. I think she thinks that she needs to be strong all of the time. We compliment her on how strong she is and even said that she was, "freakishly sane" for a 13 year old. She apparently is so upset by her surgery that she developed a "conversion disorder". This disorder is apparently common amongst people that have chronic illness. When the heart cannot express what it is feeling, those feelings are converted into a physical symptom, such as numbness, inability to talk or hear that otherwise has no physical reason for the symptom. The people with conversion disorders are unaware that the symptoms are not real.
Elizabeth is so strong and does not show her emotions freely to anyone. I think she is afraid to let herself go because she worries about everyone. She told us that she was afraid to express her sadness or fear because it would "make everyone feel badly."
I feel so badly for her right now that we have such an atmosphere in our family. I feel mostly to blame as it was my inherited disease and I am the one that I think she wants to protect the most. I also proclaim my faith and I think she needs to do the same. But her faith is different than mine and it needs to be developed over time. We reminded her that she is human and it is okay to cry and be scared. I think I cried every day when I was 13 and I didn't have nearly the stuff going on that she does!
It is really hard to know what to do in this situation so we are turning to a psychologist for this one. Of course the really good doctors do not accept insurance. Not that money should deter us from helping her, but it is a big pill to swallow.
I do hope that she is able to find some peace through this process and maybe everyone could be helped.
Also, this is a very sensitive subject, so please do not mention it in front of the kids. Thanks!
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