This is going to be a shorter post as I am not really able to see the screen. The pain and migraine are a little too much today, but I feel I need to write down the transformation that I went through in the last couple of days. I sent a simple email to a couple of friends and asked them to pray for me and our family and the benefit of that simple request is immeasurable.
First I will explain what got me to a place where I began to slip down the slope of hopelessness. It was the doctor's appointment visit for my older daughter. She had to be taken in an ambulance on Sunday due to a hip injury. We went to the orthopedic surgeon to see what we could do to get her out of pain, how to keep her from injuring her hip again and get an explanation of the idiopathic chrondolysis.
The doctor was not rude this time, though he has been before. He simple explained that there was nothing we could really do about getting her out of pain or keeping her out of pain. He thought the diagnosis of the chrondolysis was incorrect at this time. So we basically gained nothing other than his opinion that she might not have chrondolysis. By the way, there is no treatment for the chrondolysis.
This just hit me wrong. What are we doing? We have spent tens of thousands of dollars on medical care in the last 18 months as well as countless hours at doctor appointments and doing PT at home and other than attaching our heads to our bodies, we are no better.
Of course this is not entirely true, but once I slipped, I crashed hard at the bottom. I had been fighting so hard thinking that with a little more effort, my kids and I would feel better. If I used logic and reasoning with doctors, they would have a wonderful medication or treatment that would help us all.
I was expecting the miracle in my head, not in God's will. I had to give up the expectation that doctors could cure us. There is not cure for EDS, just management of the symptoms. My youngest daughter asked if I could get rid of the EDS. Kids have a way of cutting through all of the junk and poking at the real heart of the matter.
The heart of the matter is that it has been God's will all along for us to go through this. We were chosen to suffer (or prepare) in this way and we need to rejoice. I did not feel like rejoicing yesterday, but the more I think about it, the more joy I have because we have been chosen by God to go through this for the glory of His kingdom. What better purpose is there here on Earth.
I know in my heart that God does have a purpose in all He does and allows. Satan wants us to simply suffer. God wants us to rejoice in the preparation. I wrote in my journal the day after my mom got out of ICU last year the following, "The thing that evil is most fearful of is laughter in the face of hardship. Joy in the suffering."
I do not rejoice that my daughters and I have pain, but I do rejoice that God thought enough of us and believes in our ability to call on Him and trust in Him to carry us through.
