Changed

We just got back from the ER.  Elizabeth fell at church again.  Apparently she was going to get a drink from the fountain when her leg gave out and she fell.  Some of the men at church used an ironing board to get her to the van.  I took her down and visually her hip looked out of joint and all the trauma doctors agreed.

Six hours later, sedation and more x-rays and they sent her home in pain, but able to sit up.  The pain she went through with the doctors trying to get her hip "reduced" was a horrible sight.  I can't really explain the feeling other than standing by while your daughter is screaming in pain, but you have to keep the terror out of your own eyes.  You have to keep calm so she will be more calm.  All the while knowing that this was not the first time, not the last time...

Part of me wants to just make her stay in the chair so that she will not get hurt, but that is a horrible resolution.  But, so is the resolution that she can fall at any time or any place and what will she hurt the next time?  This is a gut wrenching and a change that I must grieve and help her grieve if that is what is to be the answer.

God knew before the beginning of time that this would come to our family.  I do not think this is a punishment or some kind of random evil act.  I think that God is ready to give us everything that we need to get through whatever we need.  It is not our life we live but the life He gave us.  If I think of it that way, it reminds me that He will be faithful because He knows what I need before I need it.  Sometimes we have to be willing to swallow a bitter pill to reach the full measure of our blessings.  Resolving Elizabeth's hip issue is one of those "pills."

We thought she would have a different future.  A future of swim team meets, normal bus rides, heart aches as she grew older and all the "normal" raising kid stuff.  Her future is very bright, do not get me wrong, but it is different.  I did not hold her in my arms and think about ordering a wheelchair for her.  I did not see her first smile and think I would see her face in such anguish that it would cut me in two.  I did not watch her first steps and think that when she would be 12 and still worry about her falling.   I am glad that I did not know back then.  I am not regretful nor am I despairing her future.  It is just different, changed.

The following is to a great devotional about change:

 http://www.d365.org/todaysdevotion/