Permanent Loss

I went to see an orthopedic hand specialists on Friday. I'd see my regular orthopedic surgeon regarding my arms a few months ago. He gave me are in braces and sent me to physical therapy.  Neither of which helped in any way. I also noticed that not only was the pain getting worse I was also having trouble controlling my hand movements. Things would just fall out of my hands I wouldn't be able to grasp small things like a piece of paper with my left hand.

I've spoken to my geneticist regarding this problem and he said that many people with EDS have a trapped radial nerve and it can be solved with a simple surgery.  So I had high hopes when I went to meet with the surgeon. I was shocked when he said that not only do I have radial nerve problems and carpal tunnel but the loss of function in my left hand had more to do with my neck then my arms.

He suggested that I go back to my spine surgeon to see if this is something that could be reversed or if it's permanent. In his opinion, he thinks it is permanent. That means it will not longer be able to use my left arm.

Now my head is swirling with how I'm going to be able to take care of my children, myself and my husband with one hand. Please don't take this wrong my husband does more than his share. But I want to be a partner not a liability. With the increasing demands for me physically to take care of especially Elizabeth, I do not know how it will be able to do it.

How am I going to be able to cook, drive a car, go grocery shopping, fold laundry, do the dishes, make a bed,or push my children's wheelchairs? I know there are many people that live near normal lives with only one arm now live a normal life.

These are the questions I want to shout to God.  I just want to learn whatever lessons I need to learn in order for the chaos to stop. I want in some way for me to be able to do something but I do not think it works that way. His ways are not my ways. Every time we think are getting close to the finish line, we were hit upside the head with something else. I do know that this life is temporary, and I hope cannot be here in this world, I have no idea how our family is going to be able to function.

A friend of mine said that when things look impossible, it must be God.  I just wish they would give me a glimpse or a hint of the solution. I have much joy when I thin about my eternal life.  This earthly existence is just weighing me down.