I am writing a response to myself in regards to what I can do in light of the new symptoms and hardships our family is going through right now. The worst think I can do is to despair and get depressed. All the worry in the world will not change the facts of our situation. What can change and should change is my reaction to it. I will be a further burden if I get grumpy and angry in light of these circumstances.
Reading A Lifetime of Wisdom by Joni Ereckson Tada has shown me that God says no to healing to many of us and that is okay. Not only is okay, but I thank Him because it is through suffering we can really experience joy. It is the opposite of suffering that makes our joy all the sweeter.
I love what she says in "But Why Would He Say No to My Healing?" (A Lifetime of Wisdom pg 192-193)
It's not because He lacks ability.
It's not because He lacks concern.
It's not because He is deficient in love.
It's not because He is somehow preoccupied and has forgotten about us.
Know God better through suffering?
Closer to God through trials?
Discover God's hand in heartbreak?
God told us in scripture that he listens to the groans of our hearts and he collects all of our tears. God really listens when we are in trouble and we call on Him in desperation. God is listening to me very closely right now. He is cupping His Hand to His Ear to hear my cries. He is allowing this to happen so that so many other blessings will come if I remain faithful.
"There is more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left felling short changed. Quite the contrary-we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!" (Rom 5:3-5 The Message Bible)
I want to write this on my hand, my forehead and on every mirror in my house. When I get low, like I have been recently, it is easy for me to forget the amazing things that God has done for me and others. When I forget, it distorts the truth and creates despair. But when I remember the miracles, I know that God is very near and "His grace is sufficient."
God gave me an incredible husband. Not just a nice guy, but one that is patient, loving, smart, kind, a great father and so on. He gave me three amazing kids. Kids that are already busy with Kingdom work in their short lives. He has given me an amazing family and blessed me with a better relationship with my mom, for which all of these trials are worth it. He has given me incredible friends in my neighborhood, church and around me. People that pray for us every day. People that help in more ways that I could express.
He blessed us with a wheelchair the minute we needed it. He blessed us with a wheelchair ramp the minute we needed it. He blessed us with two charities that are working on our behalf. He gave us friends that helped clean our home when we needed it. He gave us money before we knew we needed it (and boy did we ever need it right at that moment!) He even gave us toilet paper and paper towels! He gave us free pizza to feed the workers that built the ramp. He saved Erica's life with surgery at the exact moment she needed it.
There are so many blessings that I cannot share all of them here. Is every desire of our hearts granted? No. It is hard and heartbreaking to see your child in pain. But I know His ways are higher than my ways.
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