Monday, June 27, 2011

Give me Strength

My anxiety has been so high, sometimes I feel like it is hard to breath.  We are waiting to hear when Elizabeth's surgery will take place up at the Cleveland Clinic.  All while Erica has been going through testing to see if she has a tethered cord.  My mom has not been feeling well and my grandmother is hurt and not doing well either.  I have been in so much pain when I wake up my back hurts so bad that I have to take medicine before I can move.

Please don't take this as I am unappreciative of all the blessings that have rained down upon us.  I know that it is not right to be anxious right now as God has shown that He is right here with us, but I cannot grab a hold of that hope right now.  I am not sure why while I know things on such a high spiritual level, yet these struggles still bring me to my knees doubting everything I believe.

I guess I would love to see my kids out of pain, but I am not sure that this is God's will.  How do I deal with this reality?  Am I able to praise Him while my kids are in agony?  I do praise Him because I know that in the end all things will turn out for the best.  All things will turn out to glorify God.  Please give me the peace and strength to handle what he gives us.  Please strengthen my children and family as well.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

My Fun in the PACU

I had my surgery to correct my loose screw in my spinal cord a few weeks ago.  At the last minute is was rescheduled a week before the previous date because I think God knew I could not wait.  Thank God my husband was flexible with his schedule so I could get in for some relief.

The surgery was pretty straight forward.  I have had the top two vertebrae fused (C1-2) to put my head on my body, then I had C4-6 fused just 6 months later.  The second surgery made me feel much better and I had relatively little trouble until recently.  My arms were aching so much that it was difficult to do anything with my arms.  My fine motor control was also declining because my fingers were numb and tingling.  It is really strange to stare at a book or a dish and think, "I just need to take it over there.." knowing that this simple task would be not only painful, but probably impossible.  It seemed to me that everything in my day involved my arms.  Even a hug or talking on the phone.  I knew it was time to go under the knife again.

I was more nervous about this surgery than with previous surgeries but I am not sure why.  While I was getting prepped, the anesthesiologist came in to talk to me.  She read my file very carefully and reveled many things that I did not even know about my own body.  First, she said that I have a vessel in my brain that could rupture.  She said that everything should be okay, but they have a helicopter outside in case it does during surgery.  That made me feel much more relaxed!  Then she told me that I should not have stopped taking one of my medicines because it put me at risk for a pulmonary embolism.  I was getting calmer by the minute! 

I warned her, the nurses and all of the other doctors that I dislocate very easily while under anesthesia, however, I guess the message did not get to everyone because I woke up with a dislocated shoulder.  Before I could talk I was trying to communicate that my shoulder had to be put back in, but the nurses did not understand me.  Finally, I regained my speech, and they told me that they were not allowed to reduce it!  "Well, get someone in here that can!"  They had to call in my surgeon, who is an orthopedic surgeon but specializes in spines to put it back in.  Everyone in the PACU heard it pop!  He probably had not reduced a joint since his residency.  I really do not blame anyone for the dislocation.  Before the surgery I was dislocating my shoulder multiple times a night.  I would wake up and put it back in.  But during the surgery, that lasted at least 4 hours and my time in the PACU, it was out too long.  This caused extra pain because my muscles and nerves were really ticked off.

It is bad when you are still in the PACU and you realize that you need another surgery!

This was confirmed when I went to a shoulder specialist.  He looked at the MRI I had done months before and said that I needed surgery on my shoulder.  My shoulder is much worse now.  He also told me that I needed to have the radial nerve release as soon as possible because I will lose the ability to control my hand if I leave them compressed for too long.  So if you are counting, I will need a least 2 more surgeries soon.  Great!  Are we having fun yet?!