Saturday, October 10, 2009

Blessings from Heaven

Yesterday was a dark day.  We had word from our social worker and basically the conclusion is I am unable to take care of my children and our house is not safe for us.  This is a big pill to swallow, but is needed to get the help we need.  The emotional ramifications are stunning.  I cannot even count on needed help that might come as result of this revelation.

We also talked to the orthopedic surgeon about our oldest.  Because she has not showed marked improvement in the area of pain, we are unsure what to do.  He explained that a torn labial tendon will not heal on its own.  He thinks that the tendon is getting caught like a carpet in a door.  This causes the visual deformation of the hip at times.

He went on to explain the two options for surgery.  One is arthroscopic and the other is a surgical dislocation.  With the arthroscopic option the tendon can be trimmed or repaired depending on what is seen once they are inside.  He told us that the MRI with contrast does not give the whole scope of damage, only that there is damage.  They could also attach an artificial tendon into the bone with screws.

The surgical dislocation involves completely dislocating the hip so they can see everything.  After he talked about cutting off part of her bone, I could listen no more.

He also said that even with the surgery, most people still have pain.  His goal is to try to control the pain as much as possible to give us an accurate picture of the pain and where it is coming from.

Most people that have this injury are professional athletes that tear the tendon, but can still function without pain if they tone down the level of activities.  For her, she did this sitting in a chair and it has lead to complete bed rest and no use of the leg.

She will have lasting pain no matter what we do.

It was all of this on my mind last night when I felt as low as I can remember for a long time.  There was no one left to fight with to get them to help my daughter.  There was nothing I could do to help her.  I had become a hindrance in the whole process of getting my children help.

I felt completely alone and unable to do anything about it.  It was a desperate, lonely, dark feeling.  I had nothing left to do other than giving it to God.  All of my fears, loneliness, anger, doubt, pain, concern and so on.  

So what does God do with it?  He sends people to call and visit that in my wildest dreams I could not have picked better people to talk to.  One was a woman that has gone through health issues with her child.  She also worked in the health field and was the exact person to understand more of what I am going through.

I got a letter from a old college friend.  My father called to see how I was doing.

I realized in a phone conversation with my mom that I have fully retreated from all of my friendships.  This self alienation  made me even more upset and frustrated.  It was not people retreating from me, it was me retreating from people.

Another friend called to see how I was doing.  And as I was on the phone with her, a friend comes over to spend time with my oldest daughter.  Visits are the best pain medicine!

Just as she arrived and I was talking out side with her mom, a truck pulls up and my friends from Navajoland pull up with two of there daughters!  I just sobbed.  

I gave my loneliness to God and he did so many amazing things to answer this prayer.   Just when I thought it was time for me to give up, He comes in and wakens my faith with blessings from Heaven!

No comments:

Post a Comment