Tuesday, June 26, 2012

I Give Up

But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it's something only God can do, and you trust him to do it-you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard and long you worked-well, that trusting-him-to-do-it is what gets you set right with God, by God.  Sheer gift. (Message Bible Romans 4:5)

I realized this truth as I lay in a crumpled mess on the floor.  It was after a day of doctor appointments that seemed to take a microscope and examine every decision I have made as a mother and called it wrong.  It was after praying with my little one and asking, yet again for relief from pain.

"I can't do it!  I can't handle their pain because I am useless to do anything about it!"  I felt I had done some many things wrong.  Here now all of my children were on some sort of medication to help them with their anxiety.  Are we not a Christian Family?  Isn't faith in Christ supposed to take care of at least the worry?  My anger bubbled over into a tantrum for all to see.

The next day I saw Joyce Meyer imitating me.  She was on stage acting just like I had acted the night before, "Oh God I can't do it anymore.  I just quit!  It is too much!"  Her answer from the Holy Spirit was "Finally I can get to work!"

I have been so busy doing all the things that I should have left to God to handle.  I am not in he business of healing, but He is.  I cannot quite anxiety, but He can.  I was not a failure, I just was not allowing God to do His job.  He was the perfect gentleman and let me try.  When I gave up, He got to work.

I know I have written on the is subject before regarding not worshiping the medical community as idols.  Not putting all of our trust in another man made from dust instead of the one that made us all.  Apparently I am a slow learner and I forget.

It is very difficult to parent children with chronic pain.  It is a parents nightmare to feel helpless as your child suffers.  But placing that child in the arms of God, is the best we can do.  Trust in Him that He will work our all things for good for those who love him. 

1 comment:

  1. I would love to be able to contact you and discuss some of your difficulties. My sister also has EDS but has some serious issues that the doctors could not understand or explain. She finally was diagnosed with mast cell activation syndrome this year, and it can account for all the weird stuff that has been going on! Just wanted to mention this to you as many doctors are not aware of this disorder and it is often hard to recognize and therefore is assumed to be psychological. Praying for peace for you and your family!